This post has been a long time coming. Mostly, I’ve put it off, because I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I’ve been so scattered lately. Making plans for the blog, and then not following through with them. Then starting my business and a new blog. Making plans to train for a 5k, write an ebook, spend more time with my family, finish the book that I’ve been working on for more years than I want to say, get into shape, and a dozen other goals that don’t bear mentioning. And above it all, there was a looming milestone that seemed to hang over my life like an angry cloud. So many plans and intentions gone awry…
You see, tomorrow, I’m turning 30. That’s right, the big, 3-0. And it comes at a time in my life when I’ve been changing things already. Over the last year, I’ve worked harder to be who I want to be and do what I want to do in this life than ever before. And I’ve also balked harder at the same things. Maybe it’s because I was trying to make changes too quickly. All I know is this year has been tough with a capital T. Just ask my husband, I’m sure he’ll give you an earful.
So What Are Those Changes?
To be less serious. To not worry so much about the results of my efforts. They are, for the most part, out of my control. I can only control what I put into it. To not be such a bitch when things aren’t going my way, especially to the people I love. Sorry, Baby, I know it’s been rough. And above all, to chase the dreams that I want to chase, no matter what they may be, how old I am, or how many failed attempts I’ve made in the past. Because 30 isn’t the end of my life, it’s just a stepping-stone on the way to becoming…
Becoming What, Though?
Certainly I have goals and dreams, many of them listed in the first paragraph. In the end, it’s really all about becoming the best version of me that I can be. To me that means continuing to make those changes and work towards those goals that I talked about before. And talking about them on the blog. That’s a big change that I want to make in my life. To share more of myself. I am a fairly private person. For some people that solitariness might be a strength. But for me it’s a weakness. I hide behind it when I’m afraid, sad, or angry. Mostly that’s because I care way too much what other people think of me. I’m sure there’s some deep-seated childhood event that makes me this way. Honestly, though, it doesn’t really mattered where it started or came from. It only matters that I want to change it.
Take A Deep Breath
So, against my better judgement and my hammering heart, I’ll tell you what my plans are for the next year. Even if no one reads this, I will talk about it. Because that’s who I want to be…
Create The Business That I Want to Work In
Yes, I know I already said I can’t control the outcome. But I can look and push for those opportunities that will shape the business that I want to have. For me, that means less daily management projects and more teaching or consulting projects. For a while, I know, I won’t be able to take on a lot of these. I’ll need to actually increase the management projects, since that’s what pays the monthly bills. But by my next birthday, I intend for more of my projects to be teaching or consulting. It also means that I will be focusing more blog posts on tutorials and finishing my ebook “31 Days to An Awesome Facebook Page”.
Get Into Shape
If you know anything about wording goals, you’ll recognize that this goal is absolutely terrible. Getting into shape is completely relative. However, I know what it means to me. I know I will never be as small as I was in high school. Truthfully, I don’t want to be. I was not strong then, and my diet was certainly not healthy. I want to be able to look good in shorts and not be depressed by the site of bikinis on sale for the summer. I want to not dread getting into a bathing-suit of any type. And I also want to be able to run a 5k (for the most part) whenever I want. And I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and feel happy at what I see.
Finish Writing My Book
I’ve wanted to be a writer before I even realized what that meant. I have fond memories of being somewhere between age 7 and 10, writing in “books” that my mother would make out of notebook paper folded in half and stapled. I didn’t know then what it meant. I only knew that I loved to do it. I didn’t realize how much I also loved to tell stories in my head. In fact I still do! I didn’t know what it meant that I could sit for hours at a time reveling in those stories as if they were really happening.
It’s not just about wanting to be a writer, it’s also about the finishing. I feel ashamed to think about how long I’ve been working on this book (even if it has gone through a ton of plot changes). So, I’m using that shame to drive me. Because it’s not enough that I work on it every once in a while. It’s not enough that the story lives in my head, almost finished. It needs to live on paper (or at least in electronic form), and then it needs to be pushed forcefully out of the nest. Hopefully, it will find the wings it needs to fly. But if not, I will know that I have finished it. And that will be something.
So What Does This Mean For The Blog?
Well, it means that my posts will not just be about social media anymore. They might cover a variety of topics including more about my personal life. If this is not your cup of tea, then you are welcome to leave. There are plenty other things on the internet to indulge your time in.
The Perfect Plan
I know that it won’t be perfect. At time my fears and insecurities will get the better of me. They certainly have this past year. But I’ve learned more about myself in the past year than I have in the whole 28 years that came before it. And I hope to learn a whole lot more by the end of 30.
So, here’s to the beginning of my 30th year. May it be as awesome as I can make it.